You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
