she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
