I faked an abortion last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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