she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
