Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
