I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
