just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
