So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
