3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
