can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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