the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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