Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
