If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
