How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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