the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
