what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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