Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
