I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i came on her dog
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
