remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize