I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
