who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
