I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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