based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
