Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize