I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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