plz talk dirty to me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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