I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize