Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
