No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
