I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
