I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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