Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
