We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I look better un-naked...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
