Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize