I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
