It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
