I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
