we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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