Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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