She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
