The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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