The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
