I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
