I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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