yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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