It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
only if we run a train.
done.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
