Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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