If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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