I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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