i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
