They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
