I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
