Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
