Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
