He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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