i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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