then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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