so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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