i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
