how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
