She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
