I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
