Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
