i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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