he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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