M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
