we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
