I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
