um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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