The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
