i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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