it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
