So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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