YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
