ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
