Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
