Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
