sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
